“Stay single until someone actually compliments your life in a way that makes it better not to be single. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too. I dream of a better tomorrow… where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. This word sounds like the kind of folksy thing President Lincoln might have said, and it’s from his era: the 1830s.

If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” – Winston Churchill funny quote, 28. These Short funny quotes & images will seriously make you laugh out loud! Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? “Lache mit vielen, aber vertraue wenigen”, 66. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.”, 43. “A cop pulled me over and said “Papers…” I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.”, 57. “My therapist told me: the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. First, it sounds like a bodily function, which appeals to many of us on some addled Beavis and Butthead, high-school level.

Me: Duh, you already know the answers.”, 69. “You know you’re old anytime you’re entering your DOB with a smartphone you get to the year and you have to spin that bitch like you’re on wheel of fortune.”, Looking for the most funny quotes today. “Do you know why birds sing in the mornings? Enter your email for word fun in your inbox every day. You could say, “I have butterflies in my stomach.” Or, simply exclaim, "Collywobbles!”. Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. It’s dedicating her favorite song to her, and letting her eat your fries; telling her she’s beautiful. Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Or a shivoo? Short Funny Quotes. Example: That doesn’t mean diddly-squat. Then, again, after a night of partying, you do feel like crap[ulence].

She’s the woman who believes that what comes around goes around. The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. Heh-heh. “Honey, have you seen the garage doohickey?” "What's the doohickey for the computer called ... a dangle?". Read on for some of the funniest words in the English language. Funniest saying. Luck really is in the eye of the beholder. The word diddly-squat is a direct linguistic cousin to doodly-squat. Quire — (n) two dozen sheets of paper. Probably Lewis Carroll fans, or anyone who has read The Hunting of the Snark.) Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle.

How To Congratulate Yourself Without Bragging. Samuel Foote, a British dramatist, actor, and theater manager, coined the word in 1755 during a lecture in which he performed a piece of nonsense prose.
Check out these 76 funny quotes and funny pictures to help you get through today.
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